I've been trying to tell someone for years. But who? It's hard enough admitting it aloud to myself. I was raped. Even that was difficult.
It's not so much the sympathy I can expect (that I am not looking for, thank you very much) as much as it is the fact that when I tell someone I am afraid it will change their perception of me. I am not necessarily afraid that they won't like me any more or will think that I am weak...it's that, well...
I am afraid that they will think to themselves, "Well that explains a lot."
Like my personality is solely based on the fact that I was raped when I was a kid! That I am sarcastic and sometimes even mean because of what was done to me. It's not true. I know it's not. I'd be just as much of a smartass if I were never raped.
I repressed the memory of my childhood assault until 8th grade. By that time my personality was well over-developed.
So when I tell you, if I tell you, please don't jump to conclusions. I just need you to listen. So please listen, because I have something I need to get off my chest.