Worthlessness - that night of confusion and agony - fear of doubt and judgement and a loss of identity. Waking up, shattered, stains so large that the fabric itself was drenched beyond explanation. Questions, assumptions, rumors, denial - the cycle of reconstruction that stabbed me with self-hate, and the fears of losing ground, faith, friendship and self. Memories of crossing a 13.1 with focus and pride still fresh, but overshadowed by the hopelessness of embarrassment - every pair of eyes at the gym will judge this body that no longer belongs to me alone. Morality lashing and burning at my heartstrings - does this God still love me? That night, that night - where was my God, my friends, my courage. 


Courage......Courage, no she never left my side.
Courage pulled me away when he was pulling me with yes
Courage woke up with me the morning after and gave me the strength to cry.
Courge gave me the focus to see fear, and the power to look in the eye and challenge it.
Courage picked up my confidence and fueled it with the passion to not just speak, but shout all that he expected to mute. 
Courage is with me now, and together we will take life by the lapels.

Courage is why I am a survivor.