Spring 18 2

I was at a party, a year ago. I was enjoying myself, got a little too drunk, and decided I was done being the one left out all the time. Younger than everyone, never kissed a boy, never had any luck with finding boys, I decided enough was enough. When a boy asked me to dance, I said yes. We kissed, and while it wasn't great, I for whatever reason felt empowered and decided I could do anything. I had no need to be the shy, quiet, "prudish" girl. I was feeling myself and when that boy had to leave, I was open to anything. Another one came up not too much later (likely because he saw how easy things were with the other guy) and asked if we could talk outside. I naturally said yes, because with too much to drink and it being hot in the house, who wouldn't say yes? He complimented me, told me how hot I was, and really made me feel special. We started dancing and things got intense, very, very fast. He pushed me up against a way, pinned my hands up with his body so I couldn't move. With his hand he started rubbing up against me, feeling me up. He slid his hands down, farther than just my hips. In this moment I instantly sobered up. I didn't want this. A red alert went off in my head. I wanted it to stop. A friend made eye contact with me and got me out of the situation. The next day when I remembered what happened, I started shaking. Too much, too fast. I stupidly gave him my number before everything started and had to deal with him texting me. I always felt like he could find me. My paranoia grew as I discovered he was in my recitation. Week after week I had to sit with him, knowing he would text me and invite me to parties where I would be handcuffed to him with a bottle of liquor, forced to get drunk with him able to do whatever he wanted to me. I was such an easy target. I was too trusting. I know it's not my fault but I never said no. I regret so much. To this day I'm still scared he'll somehow find me, and continue what he started. Day by day I'm growing stronger. No person should ever have to be scared of being targeted by a predator, forced to see them on campus. Enough is enough.

April 4, 2018 at 2:02 PM