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Break the silence that surrounds sexual assault, sexual harassment, interpersonal violence, relationship abuse, stalking, hate crimes, and identity-based violence. Share your story here on our anonymous blog.

To speak about an experience with any form of interpersonal violence is difficult, but it is also empowering. Breaking the silence reduces shame and helps others to speak out about their own experiences.

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Because this blog features stories of interpersonal and sexual violence, we offer this *content warning* as a way of caution. We also ask that you do not reproduce any of the content below, as the authors of these personal stories are anonymous, and cannot give consent for their stories to appear anywhere other than this blog or at a Project Dinah-led SpeakOut event.

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

No one ever told me that it was okay to say no to moving forward after things had started. I was so attracted to you, that when you started to kiss me I was really excited. You were definitely the hottest guy at the party, so it made me feel special that you were interested in me. I was so inexperienced; I had never more than kissed a boy. I wasn't quite sure what to do as you were unbuttoning my pants, so I moved your hands away. You went back to kissing me, and I thought that would be it. You kept trying, and I kept deflecting. I never said no with my words because you never asked if I was okay. I wasn't okay; I just didn't know how to tell you. I finally gave up on trying to stop your wandering hands. I still thank God that sex wasn't your end goal. I was so relieved when you stopped. I felt humiliated and exposed as I looked for my underwear. My friends all congratulated me for making out with you. As stories of the weekend were told and retold, our story always started with, "But the best is that she finally got with Mike!" Then I would have to tell the story, making up some details, leaving others out. I still have trouble being emotionally intimate while being physically intimate. The two are separate for me; I wonder how much of that is because of that night.

I will tell all of you what I wish someone had told me: It is never too late to say no. Not after you've started, not if it's something you've already done. If you feel "no," say no.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

This is so similar to my first time doing anything more than kissing a boy... Like very very very identical. And a lot like the way I felt afterwards. The fact I'd had a crush on him for over a year did not make him a good person, and it didn't make that night worth while.

It IS okay to say no.