Welcome to the SpeakOut! Blog

Break the silence that surrounds sexual assault, sexual harassment, interpersonal violence, relationship abuse, stalking, hate crimes, and identity-based violence. Share your story here on our anonymous blog.

To speak about an experience with any form of interpersonal violence is difficult, but it is also empowering. Breaking the silence reduces shame and helps others to speak out about their own experiences.

End the shame. Be empowered. Speak Out!

Thank you for Speaking Out! We would love to get your permission to share your testimonial. If you would like to allow your testimonial to be used at a later Speak Out!, please let us know by making a comment or a note in your testimonial.

We are holding our first fall Speak Out! in October 26th, 2017 from 7-9 pm in The Pit. For more information, check our Facebook page.

Because this blog features stories of interpersonal and sexual violence, we offer this *content warning* as a way of caution. We also ask that you do not reproduce any of the content below, as the authors of these personal stories are anonymous, and cannot give consent for their stories to appear anywhere other than this blog or at a Project Dinah-led SpeakOut event.

Wednesday, October 7, 2015

All I wanted was to have one last night to blow off steam before classes started for the spring semester of my freshman year. I wanted to go out with my girlfriends, and find a cute boy to dance with. I wanted to go home alone.

I did not want to be raped.

I was sober; I think he was, too. I didn't pay too much attention to our surroundings. I was at a frat party, where I knew some brothers, and I was not worried. I didn't notice that he was isolating me, separating me from my friends until I no longer recognized anyone in the room.

I grew up street-smart and would have never pegged myself as a statistic. But that is just what I became.

He asked me if I wanted to meet up with my friends in his dorm room - he said they had left with his friends. Since we had all met as a group, I believed him. I said yes.

That's the only "yes" he received from me that night... Not that it mattered.

I was sexually assaulted in near silence, which in a way was more menacing than any words could have been. I kept saying "no," I told him he was hurting me, and I tried to get him off of me. Unfortunately, he had about a hundred pounds on me, and I was completely pinned. Later, he would say that the bed was too small for us to be in any other position. He would say that I consented. That despite the fact all of my clothes were on, I asked for it. He would say that I had self-esteem issues, and that's why I wasn't comfortable taking my clothes off.

When he was done, I was frozen in terror. I thought he would hurt me, but he told me to clean up and let me leave. I ran out of the building and kept running until I found a friendly face at a bus stop. This face lived on my hall, and immediately knew something was wrong with me. This face was my hope and my reason for not falling to pieces right there. This face got me back to my room safely.

It took me over a year to put words to what happened to me. It took me over a year to connect the blurry, fragmented dots into one smooth horror story. I lost a lot of friends I had thought would be in my life forever. My family tries, but they couldn't possibly understand the hell I live each day. I have found support and strength in the stories of other survivors; they (you) pull me through my darkest times and inspire me to keep living. Survive and thrive, and never let your rapist win. You are better than your rapist. Even when you can't get out of bed, or you are curled into a ball of anxiety, you win with each breath you take. And always remember: it was NOT your fault. 

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