Dear Rapist

Dear Rapist,

How to begin? A question I ask myself every morning when I wake up,
and realize that no, what happened to me wasn’t just
a bad dream.
You were a friend, someone I trusted to comfort me in a time when I needed you most.
You took advantage of my vulnerability, you raped me.

Dear rapist, did you know that what you did was rape?
Or did you assume that I wanted it, that I needed it,
to feel better or to forget about my problems.
Did you think that no really meant yes, that my screams and pleas were just foreplay?

Dear rapist, did you know that because you raped me
I can no longer have children?
Do you even care?
I once thought you did, but I was terribly mistaken.
Why do you look and talk to me like nothing ever happened?
Why are you so happy and carefree?

Dear rapist, did you know that I am not?
Everyone thinks I am fine, but I am neither physically, mentally, nor emotionally okay.
I try to make myself believe that
what used to make me
happy still does.

Dear rapist, maybe one day you will understand and show remorse...
maybe one day I will finally get over this and be able to have a normal, healthy relationship.

Dear rapist, how to begin.