It happened to me. I still can't believe it happened to me. I blamed it on myself -- I shouldn't have been drinking -- I shouldn't have been alone with him -- I shouldn't have trusted him.

It wasn't necessarily violent but I was still violated.

If I said NO the first 40 times you tried to make a move... I meant it the 41st too. Because I was near passed out didn't change it into a YES. The 42nd time was silent -- but, an lack of the word NO does not imply the word YES.

But I can't help but think that it's my fault -- I shouldn't have been drinking -- I shouldn't have been high -- I shouldn't have been alone with him.

He lied to me, told us everyone was meeting us there... I was passed out by the time they did.

He had already taken from me what I never gave him. He stole something from me. NO means NO.

When it was happening... my mind was blank... this wasn't happening to me... this couldn't be me. I didn't feel anything... I just watched him climb on top of me and just... go.

I watched him treat me as a toy -- just some thing that he could play with -- I wasn't a person. I didn't feel like a person anymore.

He took my humanity... my self... my me. NO meant NO.

It wasn't my fault. I know that now. He knew I meant NO. He knew.

Nobody has the right to take something like that from you. But I thought it was my fault... and I kept my mouth shut.

Couldn't tell my parents -- would have to tell them that I was intoxicated. My best friend woke up one day with bruises all over her body -- she thought I had to tough it out. "YOU made a MISTAKE," she told me.

She was wrong. I never told him he could come in... I told him NO. As many times as he tried, I wouldn't even kiss him -- when does that translate into "Yes, Rico, I want to have sex with you"?

It doesn't. He knew.

Summer of 2005. Now November 2007. I'm still hurting.

I was RAPED. It wasn't my fault.