It took me four years to name it
It took me four years to understand it
And it will take me the rest of my life to overcome it.

I am angry
I am angry
And I’m not even that angry at you
I am angry at the system that taught you it was ok
I’m angry at the others, who reinforced to you that it was ok
And I am angry that you have never thought twice about whether it was wrong.

We have known each other for years, you live down the street from me
We used to take the bus together
Granted we were never friends, but you were friends my friends, so believed in you
Even when others tore you down, I was there to even say a few kind words. Still believing that you are a “good guy” down deep.

How do you think I felt, hearing you tell me how you had thought about this
How you had imagined this happening
All while I was resisting
How do you think I felt when I realized how someone who knew me could treat me
in such a way with such ease?

You waited
You waited until I was vulnerable
You created “privacy” and locked the doors
You pushed me and begged me to give you what you wanted
You knew what was happening
You knew I was drunk
You heard me asking you to stop, saying your name
And then you heard nothing.


You heard nothing because I had nothing more to say
I decided that I didn’t want to be there, I didn’t want this situation
So I obliged, to do what you were pushing and shoving me to do
For it all to be over, I had to end it
…If only it had ended there.


I failed my final exams
I dealt with the rumors and the looks
I pulled away from my friends and family
I stayed up nights and slept through days
But the worst part, is that I was confused
I knew something was wrong, but had no one to talk to about it
I felt alone and helpless.


No words could describe or explain what happened
It was an event that made no sense and made me feel powerless and used
It made me feel less than human

You may walk proud today, thinking of yourself as a bright young man
One who can make his parents proud and may make a partner very happy one day
And you may never know that pain and agony you caused me
You may never even hear my name again
But know I will never forget yours


It has taken me fours years to name it
It has taken me four years to understand it

And today, I have conviction
Today I have decided to not let anyone else endure what I had to endure
Today I have purpose and reason
Today I have clarity
Today, I am happy