There were no sounds, no feelings, there were only fleeting pictures of moments I would choose to forget.
This boy had a girlfriend. I was at a party at a friend's house in another city and I had far too much to drink.
I kept hoping that someone would walk downstairs so it would have to stop. I kept hoping that someone at the party would wake up and realize what was happening. I kept saying no. I was drunk. I said it quietly. I was not forceful enough. I did not yell. I did not scream. I kept saying no.
When it finally stopped I picked up my clothes and went into the bathroom and sat on the toilet. I came back out of the bathroom, he was asleep on a couch. I sat down on the other couch.
A few hours later, I walked up the stairs to the large room where my friends were sleeping. I curled up into a ball next to my friend and stared straight ahead. He did not wake up.
The next morning it was time to go home, and everyone said their goodbyes. The boy who had violated me hugged me. I got the chills to the core of my being. He said goodbye like nothing was wrong.
I knew this boy before. This was not some stranger.