When I tell guys I don't believe in relationships, when I say I won't date them but I'll just be their "fuck buddy", they tell me, "You're every guy's dream!"

Well, I don't want to be your dream. I'm just waiting for someone to heal me. I wonder what it's like to feel love. I have sex with whoever and don't feel a thing about it because my first several experiences with sex were abusive and destroyed me. So I have lots of sex but don't feel a thing. Is it normal to be happy with this and run away from love and intimacy?

I may seem like your careless "freaky" girl, but I am totally disconnected. I don't even feel you, and I will laugh at you if you try to connect with me. Long term sexual abuse and one sexual assault has taught me that my body is there for your pleasure. Not my pleasure or my well-being.

One day, I would like to know what it's like to fall in love or what it's like to care about what MY body deserves.