Welcome to the SpeakOut! Blog

Break the silence that surrounds sexual assault, sexual harassment, interpersonal violence, relationship abuse, stalking, hate crimes, and identity-based violence. Share your story here on our anonymous blog.

To speak about an experience with any form of interpersonal violence is difficult, but it is also empowering. Breaking the silence reduces shame and helps others to speak out about their own experiences.

End the shame. Be empowered. Speak Out!

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We are holding our spring Speak Out! on April 16th, 2018 from 7-9 pm in The Pit. For more information, check our Facebook page.

Because this blog features stories of interpersonal and sexual violence, we offer this *content warning* as a way of caution. We also ask that you do not reproduce any of the content below, as the authors of these personal stories are anonymous, and cannot give consent for their stories to appear anywhere other than this blog or at a Project Dinah-led SpeakOut event.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

When it first happened I didn't even know what to call it because I never thought I would be a victim of rape. I didn't want people to think that I was weak. I just don't know what to do because, no matter what I am not satisfied with the situation between him and I. It is as if I need something to be done so I will not have to use my blog as an outlet to say what is on my mind. I have not told any of my family because I don't know what they will do. He tries to make it seem as if I am doing something wrong because I write about it on my blog. I don't think I am wrong I just don't like how he can try to live this life that he lives after what he did to me. I am just so hurt because I really did think he was my friend and then he just did what he did. It's so weird because I can remember exactly how everything happened from beginning to end. The most that I remember is laying there with my phone in my hand trying to think "if I call Chavez will he answer?" or me leaving and as soon as I got back to my room I took a shower and I look at my phone and I have text messages from him saying "I am so sorry". Yeah I cried myself to sleep that night. I just don't know how I should handle this. I know how a juror must feel when they have to sentence someone to the death penalty It's like you are fighting yourself. I just always thought I would be the type of person that would report it like I remember reading the sign on the RU "1 in 4 women are a victim of sexual assault" and I would think "nope not me I refuse to be a statistic and if does I will report it" but its like I can't handle knowing that someone's life is in my hands. I guess I am weaker then I thought I just feel like I should hate him but the whole "love thy brother" is getting to me. I want to forgive but what does that mean how should I do it? I just don't know how to handle the fact that "Dang they know and they don't believe me" I don't like how his friends act funny when I'm around. I don't like that I feel that they might have conversations about me being a liar. I just try to act as if it doesn't bother me but it does because I trust people so much but when it is time for people to believe me I left to be crucified. I guess the fact that I didn't turn him in makes it seem like I am lying but if I was brave enough I would if I wasn't scared of having his family and friends hating me I would. If I didn't have to worry about my family finding out believe me I would.

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